Wishful Thinking
by SmurfZXC714
Summary: He was bad for her, and she knew that, but she chose to ignore it. She kept coming back. Until one night when he goes too far. TWO-SHOT songfic to Rihanna and Skillet. :  AU OOC. Leave me some love 3 T for language and implied sex
1. Rehab

_**Wishful Thinking**_

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><p><em><strong><strong>Disclaimer: I do not own characters or song lyrics. _

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><p><em>Baby, baby, when we first met<em>  
><em>I never felt something so strong<em>  
><em>You were like my lover and my best friend<em>  
><em>All wrapped into one, with a ribbon on it<em>

_-Rihanna _

_(Rehab) _

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><p>She knew he was bad for her. He was toxic in every sense of the word. He beat her down every chance he got. Every time she had something to be happy about, he squashed it, he did not care for her. She knew all of this. Well, she knew that when she wasn't around him; when she could actually think coherently.<p>

It was hell when she thought about it home alone. But it was different when she was with him. He was sweet to her, told her she was pretty; that she was beautiful.

She loved the adoration too much. She did not have the strength to break it off herself.

She knew he wasn't good to her though. The names and compliments and praise were just words, falling through the moment he left her apartment.

He didn't love her, she knew that. She loved him regardless.

She couldn't stop. He was her addiction, he was her disease.

_And all of a sudden, when you left_  
><em>I didn't know how to follow, it's like a shot<em>  
><em>That spun me around and now my heart left<em>  
><em>I feel so empty and hollow<em>

Every time he came around she fell back into his false words, and into his warm embrace he shared with so many other girls.

She knew she wasn't the only one, as she desperately wanted to be. But he was so attractive, with his dark hair and heart stopping green eyes. He made her world stop.

Whereas, to him, she was just a good lay. She was nothing to him. Just a dull penny he found on the street corner.

She told herself she wanted it to stop, but deep down she knew that she wouldn't give him up for anything— he made her feel so good.

Her mind went hazy when she was with him, and she loved him then, loved the things he did to her.

As much as she knew she deserved better, she stayed, him being the only one she wanted and her being only a tiny dot on his radar.

Cammie had never been the prettiest girl. So she figured that by being with someone as gorgeous as Zach she was doing herself a favor because no one else would ever want her. Her hair was the color of dish water, and her eyes had lost their shine years ago when she figured out the world was hell and that people were cruel.

_And I'll never give myself to another, the way I gave it to you_  
><em>Don't even recognize the ways you hit me, do you?<em>  
><em>It's gonna take a miracle to bring me back<em>  
><em>And you're the one to blame<em>

"Angel," he said to her, the nickname a misleading hope for her. "Come here, babe."

She smiled automatically, setting her things down and climbing onto the bed with him.

"Anyone ever tell you how pretty you are?" he asked, his green eyes looking to trust worthy, even though they were filled with deception.

"Only you," she replied, lying across the length of his body. She kissed him softly, knowing that that was how he liked to start things with her.

"I'm serious," he said. "Don't let anyone ever tell you, you aren't pretty." The words almost sounded sincere. And she believed them, even though the pit in the bottom of her stomach kept reminding her that something wasn't right. Zach could say whatever he wanted but in the end she knew they were only words.

"You're so good to me," she smiled, and kissed him again, a knee on either side of him. He smiled under her lips, wondering if she knew he wasn't good to her at all.

"I know," he muttered, kissing her again.

Then she abruptly pulled back, and rolled over, lying on the other side of the bed next to him.

_And now I feel like, oh, you're the reason why I'm thinking_  
><em>I don't wanna smoke all these cigarettes no more<em>  
><em>I guess this is what I get for wishful thinking<em>  
><em>I should've never let you into my door<em>

"Angel?" he wondered, looking over at her. "What's wrong?"

She shook her head and threw an arm over her eyes.

"Babe," he said. "Are you okay?"

"Can you get me a cigarette?" she asked, craving the urge to smoke. The thought of being him was suddenly repulsing to her. He was sadistic and cruel. She shouldn't love him, she shouldn't give him exactly what he wanted.

"You smoke?" he asked, surprised.

She rolled her eyes at him. "Of course I do."

He propped himself up on an elbow, "you didn't smoke when I met you."

She rolled her eyes again. "I didn't do a lot of things when you met me."

He frowned, "I liked it like that."

"Just get me a damn cigarette Zach," she muttered, annoyed.

"Give me a damn blow job," he retorted his voice completely taking another tone. She looked at him, taken aback by his voice. He had never said anything so direct and harsh to her.

_Next time you wanna go on and leave_  
><em>I should just let you go on and do it<em>  
><em>It's not amusing like I believe<em>

She didn't know what to say. The monster that lay beneath his flawless skin had emerged. The monster she had always known was there but had been able to ignore, up until now.

"What did I say?" he snapped, and began to unbuckle his pants.

She ignored him and got up, still confused. She had never wanted to not be with him while she was with him. Every time before when she was with him she wanted to linger a little bit longer with him. But the bile that crept up her throat made her want to be sick. She wanted to get out of there as soon as possible.

"I'm going home," she said, wondering if he'd snap out of it and ask her to stay.

"Fine, I'll get some other whore to do it."

That nearly broke her heart and she felt her eyes cloud with tears. His eyes were cold and hard, and she'd never seen them like that before.

_It's like I checked into rehab_  
><em>Baby, you're my disease<em>  
><em>It's like I checked into rehab<em>  
><em>Baby, you're my disease<em>

"I know you will," she replied, wanting to lash out at him and scream at him for being a horrible person.

His eyes widened a fraction, as he hadn't expected that answer.

"Just leave."

She looked at him, her eyes glowing, with anger or sadness he wasn't sure. "I'm not going to come back."

He turned his head away as she slammed the door behind him.

:*:*:*:

_Damn, ain't it crazy when your love slams?_  
><em>You'll do anything for the one you love<em>  
><em>'Cause anytime that you needed me, I'd be there<em>  
><em>It's like you were my favorite drug<em>

Her promise was broken on the third day.

But three days was long enough for him to begin to freak out. He would never admit how much she in particular meant to him. He wouldn't let her believe it, because he chose not believe it himself. She knocked on his door, pretending as if nothing were wrong.

He opened it, a lit cigarette hanging from the corner of his mouth, looking as if nothing were wrong. "I thought you weren't coming back," he said, his voice, deep raspy. He blew a cloud of smoke in her direction.

She shrugged, her appearance cool. Instead of telling him that she missed him like crazy and craved his attention like no other she said, "it's sex."

He smirked at her, not letting her have any clue to what he was feeling. He opened the door wider as she batter the smoke away from her face. He dropped the cigarette. "It's great sex."

And just like that, she was back where she started. Being hurt and cherished by Zach at the same time.

It went back to normal. She warmed his bed whenever he wanted and he treated her like a common whore, though sometimes tension between them simmered to the top of the pot. They spited each other without realizing it, leading to heated arguments, tossing around cruel words like they tennis balls. Whoever was taking the brunt of the abuse left. Sometimes for days at a time. But something always brought them back together. They were magnetic, she couldn't stay away if she had wanted to.

It made them crazy, but they couldn't help it.

_The only problem is that you was using me_  
><em>In a different way that I was using you<em>  
><em>But now that I know, it's not meant to be<em>  
><em>You gotta go, I gotta win myself over you<em>

She used him to make her happy. And whether he'd ever say it or not he used her for the same reason. But in her mind she believed he used her for sex, among other things.

Eventually their fights became more intense and more heated. To a point where Cammie couldn't convince herself he was worth it anymore. He was the most horrible man she'd even met.

"I'm done," she snapped at him, letting the plate of dinner she was making shattered to the floor, leaving a mess. The shattered pieces of the cheap glass mirrored her life. Broken and cheap. The irony of it almost made her want to laugh. "I can't do this anymore."

Zach looked up, only surprised by the noise of the plate shattering on the ground. His eyes lingered on it just as her had. His eyes drifted to hers. "That's what you always say."

He set his keys on the table. "Why were you cooking?"

"Because I was trying to do something nice for you!" she shouted. "After a long day of work I thought you might want it."

He stared at the scattered meat and vegetables that lay on the kitchen tile. "Then why did you throw it on the ground?"

Her face contorted into a mask of anger. Her eyes were livid, but he didn't move, didn't flinch. "Because you have fucking hickeys all over your neck. I don't think _that's_ allowed at work," she snarled.

He rolled his eyes, completely unfazed. They always did this. She'd yell at him for sleeping around and he apologized. It was cycle. He didn't have the energy to work up a temper at her. He knew what was going to happen, regardless of what he said. She would storm out and he would be left to clean up the mess she'd made. He didn't even know why he kept her around, all she ever did was yell and scream at him. And break his plates.

"Sorry." The apology was so insincere it made her want to hurt a plate at his head. She let out a low growl.

_And I'll never give myself to another, the way I gave it to you_  
><em>Don't even recognize the ways you hit me, do you?<em>  
><em>It's gonna take a miracle to bring me back<em>  
><em>And you're the one to blame<em>

"Sorry isn't good enough anymore," she snapped. "I'm _leaving."_

"Okay, what time will you be back?" he asked, an evil glint in his eyes. He was fully aware he was adding fuel to the fire. But he might as well piss her off more; he had nothing to lose after all.

She shook her head and went into the other room to gather her things.

"Why do you even care anymore?" he asked, following her. "You know I hook up with other girls."

She bit her tongue, and began shoving her things into her overnight bag. "I know. And I've always tried to ignore it, and tell myself that I was okay with it."

He snorted. "So you aren't?" She whipped around and slapped him across the face. Her eyes were furious. She had never done that before. Neither one of them had even been physically violent. He wasn't that kind of scum.

But after she'd smacked him his expression changed. He looked surprise, but then his eyes darkened with lust and anger.

"You bitch."

He grabbed her wrist, holding it tight. "You're going to regret that."

He began to kiss her hard and rough, so much that it hurt.

_'Cause now I feel like, oh, you're the reason why I'm thinking_  
><em>I don't wanna smoke all these cigarettes no more<em>  
><em>I guess this is what I get for wishful thinking<em>  
><em>I should've never let you into my door<em>

She yanked out of his grasped and snatched her bag. "Go to hell."

His grin was sadistic and she wanted to slap him again, or slash her nails all over his handsome face. "We both know you're going to come back."

"No," she said, still furious. "I'm not. I'm not doing this anymore. It's destroying me, _you're _destroying me_. _I don't know why I let you treat me like shit."

"It's not like anyone else would treat you better."

She growled at him, because that was the one thing she was most afraid of. She lost her voice, but only for a moment before she said. "I loved you Zach," she said, watching his eyes snapped wide open at the declaration. "But I'm not afraid of being alone. Being alone has to be better than this. I can't believe that this is as good as it gets. I won't let you walk all over me; I'm not going to do this anymore. I know you think I'm coming back, but I am _not._"

_Next time you wanna go on and leave_  
><em>I should just let you go on and do it<em>  
><em>It's not amusing like I believe<em>

"Whatever." The one word made her anger hotter, heavier. She tried to reign it, trying to calm herself. She just wanted out.

"I hate you," she snarled. "You do not deserve me."

"No, _you_ don't deserve me."

She shook her head. "Someday you're going to grow up and realize how much I meant to you," she said, her words blowing through a shot in the dark, because she did not know how he actually felt. "You're going to regret treating me like this, treating every other girl like this. You can't play games forever." She just wanted to hurt him. As much as he had hurt her.

"Are you done now?" he asked lazily, obviously trying to appear nonchalant. But below the surface, panic was starting to set it. He didn't want her to go. He didn't like the haunting feeling that was starting to envelope him.

"Yes," she snapped, her livid eyes burning holes in his own.

Just as she was leaving she said in a firm voice, "I am not coming back."

_I gotta check into rehab_  
><em>'Cause baby, you're my disease<em>  
><em>I gotta check into rehab<em>  
><em>'Cause baby, you're my disease<em>

He didn't believe her.

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><p>:*:*:*:<p>

_**Disclaimer:**__ Lyrics belong to Rihanna, character belong to Ally Carter_

_AN: This is going to be a 2-shot song fic. I know a lot of people don't like song fics but I personally love them. So much inspiration!  
>I Hope you enjoyed and I will be updating Fishtale probably not anytime soon. Still working on it :) I promise.<br>But Leave me some love and . . ._

_**Review?**_


	2. The Older I Get

**_Wishful Thinking _**

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><p><em>The Older I Get <em>

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><p>It was the first time she followed through on her promise.<p>

_The walls between _

_You and I _

_Always pushing us apart_

_nothing left but scars fight after fight _

She didn't come back. He gave it a week before he really started to get antsy.

After two weeks he was really worried, she'd only been gone this long once before and that was because her work made her travel somewhere. He doubted that was the case this time around.

Two weeks somehow turned into a month and he knew it; she wasn't coming back. From the two week mark on he promised himself that if she came back he'd be kinder to her, treat her better. He didn't want her to leave again. He hated it when she left.

Next time—if there was a next time— he wouldn't sleep with other girls. He'd become a better person for her. Because when he finally admitted it to himself, he realized how much he loved her.

_The space between _  
><em>Our calm and rage <em>  
><em>started growing shorter , disappearing slowly day after day<em>

But now she was gone, and he had no way of finding her. He tried going to her apartment, only to find it completely vacant, with no trace of where she went.

She had disappeared and he had let his angel fly away. He didn't want to admit she was right. That he would miss her— that she was too good for him. But she had been right, he didn't deserve her.

The ache in his heart was unfamiliar and painful and he knew that only Cammie could make it go away.

Maybe he would grow up, like Cammie said. But maybe he'd grow out of her too.

He waited for her anyway.

_I was sitting there waiting in my room for you _  
><em>You were waiting for me too <em>  
><em>And it makes me wonder <em>

:*:*:*:

_Two years later_

_The older I get _  
><em>Will I get over it <em>  
><em>It's been way too long for the times we missed<em>

The ache in his heart never dulled, always a constant pain he could count on. He often sat in his room, staring at picture she had taken of them, both smiling childishly.

He then picked up the magazine on the bedside table. There on the cover, was the overnight popular actress; Cammie Morgan.

She looked better then he'd ever seen her. Her skin was glowing, her lips turned up into a genuine smile he recognized. She was gorgeously happy, and she had finally found her place in the world.

_I didn't know then it would hurt like this but I think _  
><em>The older I get <em>  
><em>Maybe I'll get over it <em>  
><em>It's been way too long for the times we missed <em>  
><em>I can't believe it still hurts like this <em>

He knew she'd never take him back now. Not when she knew she could do so much better. He was just and underpaid douchebag that treated her like he owned her.

And even though he knew he'd never be good for her, he wanted to try anyway.

He ditched his sketchy job and went to community college with the little money he had saved from his parents inheritance. He quit smoking and drinking. He wanted to be better, even if he could never have her. He wanted, if only for a moment, for her to come back and see that she had impacted him. That he _did _care about her.

The ache got a little less painful every time he thought of her in a way that he thought would make her proud.

_The time between _

_Those cutting words _

_Built up our defenses never made no sense_

_ it just made me hurt _

But every time he was picture of her and some tool on a magazine the pain would come back stronger. It didn't seem fair to him: to lose someone and only realize how much you loved them afterwards. But he supposed that was karma for his terrible ways.

If he wanted even a slight chance with his former angel he'd have to make her see that he changed.

Even though he knew she wouldn't believe he'd changed. She didn't think people could change.

And maybe he hadn't exactly _changed_, but he had grown up. He grew up into the man Cammie always knew he had the capability to be. He grew in a respectful man that didn't treat anybody like and object, much less women.

_Do you believe _  
><em>That time heals all wounds <em>  
><em>It started getting better but it's easy not to fight when I'm not with you<em>

Those two years he believed she would never come back.

The ache in his heart grew, and he didn't think it couldn't get worse.

Wasn't time supposed to heal old wounds? Not make them worse.

_The older I get _  
><em>Will I get over it <em>  
><em>It's been way too long for the times we missed<em>

:*:*:*:

_Two More Years Later_

_I didn't know then it would hurt like this but I think  
>The older I get<br>Maybe I'll get over it  
>It's been way too long for the times we missed<br>I can't believe it still hurts like this  
><em>

If he had had any idea about how much losing her hurt he would never had let her go. He would do anything she'd say he'd give her life for her. He'd give his own life to make the pain go away.

But he wouldn't do that, it would be too easy. He deserved the hurt. But if he was being honest, he still longed for a chance with her, a buried fire deep in his heart.

He hoped he'd randomly bump into her. He hoped that for some unexplainable reason she'd return to him, and he could prove to her how much she meant to him.

But after a while pretending couldn't cut it for him anymore.

He decided he needed to see her.

_I can't believe it still hurts like this_

:*:*:*:

_Three Weeks Later _

He he pulled up the massive house in Roseville Virginia, where he knew her parents resided. He vaguely remembered her mentioning something about it during their time together.

It was Thanksgiving, and he hoped she'd be home for the holidays. He figured it would be the best time to get some one-on-one time with her.

Zach knocked on the big brass door of the ancient but magnificent mansion that resided at the bottom of a steep hill.

He didn't know who to expect to answer the door but it certainly wasn't a small child, probably not even five.

He grinned a toothless smile up at Zach.

"Hiya Mister," he said, his face completely happy and curious. "How can I help ya?"

Zach wasn't sure what to think about the child. Cammie had never mentioned any brothers or sisters. . .

"Is Cammie here?" Zach asked, wondering if he was even at the right house.

But the boy giggled, and nodded, just before a tall, broad man appeared behind him, scooping the child into his arms.

"Hello," the man greeted with a kindly smile. "And who are you?"

"Zach," he replied. "Zach Goode."

The man looked him over. "Something I can help you with?"

"Is Cammie here? Cammie Morgan?" Zach asked.

The man eyebrows squinted together. "Are you press?"

"Um no. . ."

"How do you know her?"

"We're friends."

"I never heard her mention you before."

"Um. . ." Zach looked around, uncomfortable. "I wasn't really a good friend."

The man's eyes clouded over, hiding his expression. "I'm Grant."

He held his hand out, and Zach shook it quickly, still looking at the child in his arms. Was this Cammie's boyfriend or something?

"Yeah she's here," he sighed. "I'll go see if she wants to talk to you."

"Er thanks."

"Here can you watch Ethan for a second?" he said, already handing over the child to a perplexed Zach. Who gave a child to a man they'd only just met? "He tends to wander."

Zach stood awkwardly in the foyer, holding the curious child in his arms. Grant gave him a thankful smile before disappearing up the stairs.

When he returned there was a woman following behind him. She was so regal Zach did not recognize her at first.

_What was I waiting for _  
><em>I should've taken less and given you more <em>  
><em>I should've weathered the storm <em>

Her hair was shorter, but thicker and more healthy. Her skinny body had filled out and she was the perfect size. Her skin was clear and glowy. Zach had once heard people get prettier as they age. This was completely true in her case. She was only twenty four but in the four years since he'd seen her she looked so much older.

Her eyes were the same, except they weren't filled with hatred or disappointment. Instead curiosity, along with a guarded look he couldn't quite decipher.

"Why is he holding Ethan?" she muttered to Grant, low enough so that Zach couldn't hear.

Grant looked back at her. "Should he not be?"

"He's not the safest person on the planet," she muttered, deliberately ignoring the funny feeling she got in her stomach.

Grant shrugged before walking up to Zach, rekindling Ethan and walking out, only speaking a few words.

"Hi," he said to her.

She looked at him, almost expectantly. "Why are you here?"

She didn't look very happy.

"I'm here to apologize," he said, the words flying out of his mouth without his consent.

_I need to say so bad _

She raised an eyebrow and he could almost see the anger building in her eyes. "A little late for that don't ya think?"

He shrugged, "you deserve it regardless."

"And what is it you're here to apologize for?" she asked. She wanted him to say it.

"I'm sorry for everything," he said, taking a breath. "I'm sorry I lied to you. I'm sorry I cheated on you. I'm sorry that I was so selfish I ruined you. I'm sorry I treated you like an object. I'm sorry I was such a goddamned asshole. And I'm sorry that I didn't tell you I loved you back," he looked at her, noticing that her eyes were glazing over. Then he said softly, "but most of all I'm sorry I didn't stop you when you said you were never coming back."

By this time the tears were gathered in her eyes, threatening to fall.

_What were you waiting for _  
><em>This could have been the best we ever had<em>

"I'm sorry for all of it," he said, his eyes penetrating hers.

"Why are you doing this now?" she wondered, desperately trying not to cry at the sincerity behind his words. "To me. To my family."

Her _family_. Ethan must be her kid.

"And I guess I'm sorry for coming here too and running your holiday," he said, already heading towards the door.

"You didn't ruin it," she said, feeling frustrated as one tears leaked down her face.

"I'm sorry your husband must be—"

She looked confused. "I'm not married."

_The older I get _  
><em>Will I get over it <em>  
><em>It's been way too long for the times we missed<em>

_Umm…_

"You're not?"

"No," she said, still looking confused. "Oh!" she said, as a light bulb went off in her head. "You're talking about Grant! No he's my cousin. Gross."

"Cousin?" Zach echoed.

"Yeah so is Ethan," she said. "Just in case you though he was my kid or something."

"Oh," he said, feeling extraordinarily relieved. He then noticed her tears that still dripped down her face.

"I'm sor—"

"Zach," she cut him off. And just as she was about to say something he spoke again.

_It's been way too long for the times we missed_

"I want you know that since you left I have grown up. Just like you said I would. I do regret everything that I did to you, but you were right to leave me," he said. "I didn't deserve you and I asked for too much and didn't give you anything in return."

She didn't say anything for a minute but stared back at his green eyes, the same green eyes that had captivated her so many years ago. The green eyes that once knew hurt and anger were now associated with comfort and compassion.

_I'm just getting older _  
><em>I'm not getting over you I'm trying to <em>

She didn't know how to answer, but for the moment she couldn't think of all the bad things he did to her, couldn't think of the times he made her so angry she wanted to pull her hair out. Right now all she could see was him, Zach. The one the remembered when he called her his angel, on the occasion when he treated her like a princess.

For the past few years she had chosen to remember all the bad things but seeing him here like this, completely vulnerable and open to her she remembered the good. When he showered her in gifts on her birthday. When he'd kiss her senseless and she forgot how to breathe.

And despite everything she wanted it back.

So she smiled at him and said, "Would you like to join us for dinner?"

_I wish it didn't hurt like this _  
><em>It's been way too long for the times we missed <em>  
><em>I can't believe it still hurts like this<em>

Zach grinned despite her tactic to avoid the matter at hand. "I would love to."

* * *

><p><strong><em>Disclaimer: <em>**_Lyrics belong to Skillet _

_I updated super quickly :) yay for me. Alright so this was the end. I left it really open but sometimes I like it like that. I hope yall enjoyed and now I've got this story out of my head I can get back to writing Fish Tale :P _

_Hope you like the song (and the story) _

_:):)  
><strong>Review. <strong> _


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